A List of Household Objects
I have seen
the magic marker you
maddeningly wield, mainly
for the purpose of making a
maudlin media piece
of our
meteoric love.
And
every time
you ink a
fat
line over an item of ours,
I see
us
recategorized as
you
and
me.
Eulogy for Merlin, the Boston Terrier
I.
I saw you among many others
We made a blinkless pact
Calliope wanted to call you "Licky"
We soon found why
Your job: make life easier, not harder
No accidents, all right?
No picky eating, no territory marking
No snuggleless nights
No barking
A carefree smile
From that suave, sculpted jaw of yours
There were many things in
Return for the cheer you wore.
I asked for:
Loyalty
Simplicity
Constant, wordless obedience
This and more you gladly gave.
My job: love you longer, love you harder
Than those before me who were blinded
By rage and tempers and deserve a shiny front row seat in Hell
Bring you a tidbit when I could find it
Take you running, cuddle you well
This and more you took, and I gladly gave.
On the endless ride home I whispered so many plans to you. We did them all.
It was so.
II.
Pinecones, road trips, extra sharp cheddar
I serenaded you as often as I liked
This you always liked
You emerged from a broken shell
Like the crab Felix said you were
We learned each other well
Ramses imagined your dignified accent
Jonathan called you sir
New counties
New countries
New families
You greeted each with an eager grin
With that silly goose mile-long pink tongue
Hanging carelessly out the side of your jaw
Boyfriends, best friends, frenemies and strangers
You reacted to each as I did
A Xerox of my feelings
Easily, you were an extension of my truths
I never knew whether you looked to me for how to feel
Or whether in fact I saw my own true self reflected within you
Sure
Our harried plans were never perfect
They were unexpected and so much more
You've flown cross country, can your mates say the same?
Where you got that wanderlust I do not know
But it was sure nice to have someone who understood that about me
Remember how many countless strangers used to approach us at the Montage Beach?
They asked incessantly, were you my sugar pie sweet little baby boy?
"No," I always said.
You were my pal.
III.
You left my world
Much as you entered it
Wide eyed, panting only slightly
Looking always to me for guidance and comfort
Your slack jaw was shattered
A million tiny pieces in my palm
A blood eye
A death tongue
An Irish ballad, low and sweet from my lips
Like that cherry muffin we loved to split when I'd sneak you into Trader Joe's
Of course you're not a "service dog"
For heaven's sake
Anyone could tell that
But you're good at that sneaky gene
I taught you well
Who is my prodigy now, please?
Who is there to tell?
No obligations. It is kind.
Only a bright and blank future
That I wish you will fill past the red line
With Love, wherever you may pursue her
Tippy top brimming with plans
As we always were
Ashes to the wind from my hand
Long live the King of the Mer
I saw you among many others
We made a blinkless pact
Calliope wanted to call you "Licky"
We soon found why
Your job: make life easier, not harder
No accidents, all right?
No picky eating, no territory marking
No snuggleless nights
No barking
A carefree smile
From that suave, sculpted jaw of yours
There were many things in
Return for the cheer you wore.
I asked for:
Loyalty
Simplicity
Constant, wordless obedience
This and more you gladly gave.
My job: love you longer, love you harder
Than those before me who were blinded
By rage and tempers and deserve a shiny front row seat in Hell
Bring you a tidbit when I could find it
Take you running, cuddle you well
This and more you took, and I gladly gave.
On the endless ride home I whispered so many plans to you. We did them all.
It was so.
II.
Pinecones, road trips, extra sharp cheddar
I serenaded you as often as I liked
This you always liked
You emerged from a broken shell
Like the crab Felix said you were
We learned each other well
Ramses imagined your dignified accent
Jonathan called you sir
New counties
New countries
New families
You greeted each with an eager grin
With that silly goose mile-long pink tongue
Hanging carelessly out the side of your jaw
Boyfriends, best friends, frenemies and strangers
You reacted to each as I did
A Xerox of my feelings
Easily, you were an extension of my truths
I never knew whether you looked to me for how to feel
Or whether in fact I saw my own true self reflected within you
Sure
Our harried plans were never perfect
They were unexpected and so much more
You've flown cross country, can your mates say the same?
Where you got that wanderlust I do not know
But it was sure nice to have someone who understood that about me
Remember how many countless strangers used to approach us at the Montage Beach?
They asked incessantly, were you my sugar pie sweet little baby boy?
"No," I always said.
You were my pal.
III.
You left my world
Much as you entered it
Wide eyed, panting only slightly
Looking always to me for guidance and comfort
Your slack jaw was shattered
A million tiny pieces in my palm
A blood eye
A death tongue
An Irish ballad, low and sweet from my lips
Like that cherry muffin we loved to split when I'd sneak you into Trader Joe's
Of course you're not a "service dog"
For heaven's sake
Anyone could tell that
But you're good at that sneaky gene
I taught you well
Who is my prodigy now, please?
Who is there to tell?
No obligations. It is kind.
Only a bright and blank future
That I wish you will fill past the red line
With Love, wherever you may pursue her
Tippy top brimming with plans
As we always were
Ashes to the wind from my hand
Long live the King of the Mer
“Someone Saw You Holding Hands With a Woman and If You Won’t Publicly Renounce Your Disgusting Actions Then You Are No Longer an Employee of This School”
I remember waking up at 6 am--I remember having something to wake up for.
I remember writing plays, cleaning up yogurt, spinning globes.
I remember staying up late to pin up construction paper borders and word maps.
I remember anticipation, deadlines, meetings. I remember the day I left.
I know time heals everything, but how long does that take?
I know they’re still learning their clocks.
Time is a watched pot I can’t seem to boil.
Time is actually everything to them.
I will never stop missing their morningsleep faces.
I will never pass a stupid school bus without aching for their questions.
I will never tie my shoe without tying theirs, too.
I will never have another shoe to tie.
Buckling my own sandals is a grief-ridden pastime.
I avoid even this when I can.
I am enraged that I never got to defend myself--not a soapbox--a goodbye would have been, at least, decent.
I am haunted by the day a parent shoved me against the lockers, asked if I had ever molested my students.
I don’t have to wonder if the substitute is better than me, or if she is more beloved than I was...she isn’t.
When I see them in dreams, I kiss their salt tears away.
When I see them in real life, I have to pretend I don’t know their favorite color.
When I pay my electricity bill I count sums and figures on their tiny, curious fingers.
When I rest blades in my veins it is for the caps I will never get to see them toss.
I remember writing plays, cleaning up yogurt, spinning globes.
I remember staying up late to pin up construction paper borders and word maps.
I remember anticipation, deadlines, meetings. I remember the day I left.
I know time heals everything, but how long does that take?
I know they’re still learning their clocks.
Time is a watched pot I can’t seem to boil.
Time is actually everything to them.
I will never stop missing their morningsleep faces.
I will never pass a stupid school bus without aching for their questions.
I will never tie my shoe without tying theirs, too.
I will never have another shoe to tie.
Buckling my own sandals is a grief-ridden pastime.
I avoid even this when I can.
I am enraged that I never got to defend myself--not a soapbox--a goodbye would have been, at least, decent.
I am haunted by the day a parent shoved me against the lockers, asked if I had ever molested my students.
I don’t have to wonder if the substitute is better than me, or if she is more beloved than I was...she isn’t.
When I see them in dreams, I kiss their salt tears away.
When I see them in real life, I have to pretend I don’t know their favorite color.
When I pay my electricity bill I count sums and figures on their tiny, curious fingers.
When I rest blades in my veins it is for the caps I will never get to see them toss.